vice president
by acidhu3s
Summary: (based off a dailyau prompt: "I swear I'll let you have half of my weed if you don't tell the teachers that I was getting high in the bathroom" AU. humanstuck. cross posted on wattpad)


Cronus likes to be cool - and what's cooler than disrespecting authority? Not much, damn it, but he's too scared to tell a cop to suck his dick so he just does weed in the bathroom instead.

It started off as a one-time thing, but then he bought more and then did it again. And again. And now this is just how he spends fifth period.

The bathrooms in this particular hallway are always empty, save for him and the unfortunate freshman that doesn't know any better. It's probably because they're fucking disgusting. All the others are moderately clean for public school bathrooms, but not this one. Sometimes Cronus sees a lone janitor cleaning it, but it's not enough. It's never enough.

He stops his thoughts on the state of the bathroom as he rolls his joint. Cronus reaches into his bag to grab a lighter. He thinks he should stop before he gets caught, but it's not like anyone would care much anyways.

"Hello?"

A voice from outside the stall makes him jump.

"W-who's there?" he shakily replies.

"Do you realize what you're doing is illegal?"

He pouts a bit, then realizes that the person outside the stall can't see him.

"Hey, doll, it's not like anyone cares-"

"One: I care. I care about the law, and I care about upholding the law. Laws are made for a reason. Two: I am not your 'doll', nor will I ever be. Your words are objectifying and honestly a little creepy. Three: I came here to wash my hands after I cleaned the lunch tables, and now I'll have to spend time reporting you. I have a test this period, and I don't much care for wasting time taking care of you."

Fuck. He knows this guy. He can't remember his name off the top of his head, but he knows he's an uppity bitch.

"Oh, it's you." Cronus sighs. "What was it? Karnold? Canris?"

"It's Kankri," comes his bitter reply. "You're derailing our chat."

"Fucking hell," he hisses, "I don't think anyone besides you really cares. Like, just chill." Cronus pauses to open the stall door. The short albino boy glares back at him. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out the bag. "I'll give you the rest if you don't tell."

Kankri laughs, but it's a sharp, exasperated laugh that isn't really a laugh at all.

"Do you think you're funny?"

Cronus wants to reply with a "Yeah, I really do," but he bites his tongue and instead says, "No. I just wanted to give it to you if you don't spill."

"Christ, you're going to buy my silence with a little clump of weed?" Kankri freezes.

"What h-"

"Someone's coming," he hisses. "Put it away."

Cronus tosses his unsmoked blunt in the bad and shoves the it in his pocket.

"What're you boys doing here?" calls the janitor as he slowly enters the room.

Cronus' brain short-circuits for a second. He wasn't really expecting any of this, so he looks over at Kankri for help.

"I had just finished cleaning the tables downstairs, sir," he starts, "And I wanted to wash my hands."

"The lunchroom's pretty far away from here, you know," the janitor says with a cocked eyebrow. "Why not go to the one downstairs? Or... Any other bathroom?"

"My class is right around the corner. Room 563, in fact."

The janitor accepts his answer and turns to Cronus.

"And you. Why are you here?" He seems a bit more suspicious of Cronus. It's probably because he smells like weed.

"I, uh-"

"He had to use the restroom when I got here. I suppose it was dire, or something. There's no reason anyone would use this bathroom otherwise."

The older man furrows his brow as he looks at Kankri, then he turns back to Cronus.

"Um, yeah. I drank a lot of water during lunch. Gotta stay hydrated, yeah?" he says with a nervous chuckle, "I was on my way to fifth from fourth, and this was the, um, only bathroom on the way. Sir." He adds the 'Sir' at the end only because Kankri did, and Kankri seems to have his shit together.

The janitor sighs.

"Alrighty then. You boys get to class."

Kankri leads Cronus out and they enter the 500's hall.

"Dude," Cronus says after a little bit, "What the fuck was that?"

"I didn't feel like getting suspended," he snaps back.

"Why would y-"

"Oh, I don't know, Cronus." He rolls his eyes. "Probably because it looked like a fucking drug deal." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bottle of hand sanitizer.

"Hey. If you had that-" - Cronus points at the bottle - "-Why'd you go there to wash your hands?"

"Because I wanted to find the guy behind the weed. The student council has been up in arms over it."

Cronus sighs.

"You're the V.P., right?"

"Yes. One of the things we want to do is fix the 500's and 400's bathroom. Furthermore, one of the problems we've had with fixing it is the mysterious weed man." He rolls his eyes. "So you either find somewhere else to do it, or I turn you in to the principal. It's your choice."

They reach the door to their classroom. Before entering, Kankri pulls the crumpled hall pass out of his pocket and adds on an excuse for Cronus. Cronus wants to slap him, but he doesn't, only because that'd mean, and he has to prove he's better than Kankri somehow. Instead, he holds the door open for him.

"What a gentleman," he mumbles as he walks in. "Thank you."

As they slowly settle in, Cronus realizes that Kankri thinks he's better than him.

And, well, he just can't have that.


End file.
